I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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