if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
