Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
