he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
