Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize