bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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