C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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