yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
