WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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