Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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