I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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