I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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