i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
