she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
