Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
