my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
