I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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