If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
