i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
