just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
