oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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