You just made me feel so damn special
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
