I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
