who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Randomize
