porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
