I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
