that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize