i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
