i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
