I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
