It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
