do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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