Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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