I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
