No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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