The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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