there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
