So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
