Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
