I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
