If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
