ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
