I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize