The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
