he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
