One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
