bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
