Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize