Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
