He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
