Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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