My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
