so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
