Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
