You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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