I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
