roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
