Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize