i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
