I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
